When Steak Isn't

A friend was so hungry that when he saw “steak” on the menu in a restaurant, he decided unequivocally to fulfil his heart’s desire. Along however came a well-grilled cauliflower steak. He apparently was devastated by his poor comprehension of the written word, and equally disappointed that his meat serving was diametrically opposite from his salivary intentions. (Perhaps he should have been triggered a smidge when no request for doneness followed his order.)

When I heard this tale of woe, I wondered if there is a need to have set boundaries for how some words are used to describe authentic and perhaps original meaning. Like champagne, where the fizzy stuff is only champagne if it is borne out of the Champagne region in France. Or shortbread is only shortbread if it has the requisite one-third or more factor of butter present in each morsel of God-sent goodness. Should “steak” only be used to describe cuts of meat? I think so. A salmon steak works too, pink-orange protein as testament. No more use of “steak” by vegetarians to fool the rest of us into avoiding meat. 

Also ice cream should really have cream right? Many mass-produced ice creams out there don’t even use real milk, but milk powder and palm oil to recreate the creaminess required. I guess some of these substitutions happen to make products cheaper and more accessible to a larger audience but I guess it doesn’t hurt to know what one is putting in one’s mouth. 

A bit of research enlightens me that cheeses have a good deal of Geographical Indications like champagne does. Parmesan should only come from certain parts of Italy, feta must come from Greece and made via traditional means, and the blue cheese roquefort can only be named so if it ripened in the caves Roquefort-sur-Soulzon in France!

Some more Googling reveals more amazing nomenclature revelations for the most basic things we eat. In the US, peanut butter must contain at least 90% peanuts else it is “peanut spread”; If vegetable oil is used in chocolate instead of cocoa butter, the label must be changed to “chocolate-flavoured candy”; And back to ice cream, there must be a minimum 10% milk fat to be called such, else it’s a “frozen dairy dessert”. 

So there are various standards and protections around the world for how food is made and named (mostly in the US and EU), and slammed if manufacturers don’t abide by the rules. I love it, keeps us kosher so to speak. Don't think it'll work in Asia though because we're so used to the fusion of ingredients and experimentation of flavours, I'm not sure if standards of purity and exact production can be adequately enforced.

Back to beef about “steak”, I’d bring it up if I see it the misnomer. One menu at a time. 

Why I'm Giving Up A Month After Using Google Pixel 10

Mobile phones have become instant tech appendages to our daily lives. We pick them up fully charged when we wake up, glance at whatever information that didn't seep in via our dreams, let reality bite and start our day, one creaky knee at a time. 

Not many of us think too hard about the devices we have until it's time to make the upgrade, maybe because battery life issues have induced mid-afternoon panic attacks or green-with-envy eyes have seen enough new phone ads to dump one's green light-streaked devices. 

I have had a schizophrenic relationship with my mobile phones. Since the iPhone era came to being, I have had a 6S, then an 11 I think, then I jumped to a Pixel, then a Samsung S22, and back to an iPhone 14 Plus. The insanity has, true to history, continued its erratic pattern in spite of multiple voices of concern and biased reason. I decided to purchase a Google Pixel 10 Pro XL a month ago, and now I have sold my soul, likely eternally, to the Apple gods by buying an iPhone 17 Pro Max, it's 6 plus inches currently jostling for space in my left Bermuda shorts pocket.

Yes, just a mere month later. 

Let me explain why I have decided to relinquish my Google Pixel 10 Pro XL. Firstly, the full descriptor is 8 syllables long.

Kidding. My iPhone does go by one syllable less though. 

Proper reason 1 - I could not migrate my Whatsapp messages. There is a function in the IOS version of Whatsapp that declares plainly "Move chats to Android" and the Pixel also had a transfer Whatsapp messages function during startup, and via Android Switch. I tried 3 times, each time the migration progress bar would hit 99% and proceed to stay there for far too long. My attempts were enough anxiety stirring for Meta/Whatsapp to lock my account for 3 hours. I could not plead my innocence as a regular human non-scammer entity either. So my life on Whatsapp had to begin anew with no content. Some might say no baggage, so I have been a little ambivalent about the psychological aspect of this tech failure. 

Side note - why hasn't anyone sued Meta/Whatsapp for performing backups to iCloud only for IOS devices, and concurrently gone after Google for the same to Google Drive only? This anti-competitive behaviour reeks of collusion among 3 of the FAANG companies. 

Proper reason 2 - I could not unlock the Pixel with my face in low light conditions. In the back of the taxi or while walking down a street at night, the Pixel had trouble figuring out who I was. After failing with my face, it would seek to ask for my fingers to attempt being friends. This failed too many times too. "Press harder" it would suggest and indeed sometimes this effort worked but goddamn, this relationship was tiring me out. The next level of security was entering a six digit PIN, the always effective key. This negative experience repeated itself while I was out at night along the busy streets of Hanoi trying to find my way via Google Maps back to my bed. 

Proper reason 3 - an OS update removed my biometric access from some apps. Having one's biometric data eases login processes on many apps, including those from banks I have accounts with. I moved money from one bank to another, and wanted to check the balance in my receiving bank account. The biometric set up I had sorted out a week earlier didn't work, and it just so happened I forgot the password to log in. Voila, I was locked out after multiple failed attempts. I reset the password at the bank's branch in my neighbourhood. Big boo boo this one. 

Proper reason 4 - Instagram went blank twice when I tried to share content. The screen was just black with no instruction, no spinning wheel, no broken robot, nothing. I thought the battery had drained completely the first time it happened. 

Proper reason 5 - the increased text size function doesn't work across some apps. With age, I have found that I needed to increase the text size on my phone. With some apps on the Pixel (Telegram, Gojek), the text size remained debilitatingly tiny despite the system setting. It was frustrating, especially on the Gojek app to figure out locations and vehicle numbers. I ended up waiting for my driver at the wrong Changi Airport door. 

Annoying reason 6 - the edit function on Whatsapp messages on Android is a 3-step process while in IOS it's two. Tap message - open menu at top - click Edit versus tap message - click Edit icon. I don't get why Meta/Whatsapp can't standardise this user flow across both OSs. The fact that my eyes and fingers have to move this much more, relatively, is ridiculous. 

Minor reason 7 - the configurable Control Centre set up on IOS (a recent development) makes it quicker to access functions than on the Pixel. 

Is that enough? I had had enough three weeks in, and proceeded sold my iPhone 14 Plus and Google Pixel to Mister Mobile after moving my life and obedience to the great, life affirming Pomme. 

Reasons to have held on the Pixel:

- the camera is amazing.

- I found the lock screen view simpler and prettier. My iPhone 14 Plus could not show the time on the lock screen btw. Found out it was intentional IOS limit for non-Pro devices.

It's Not Me It's You HSBC Singapore

I bought a new phone, jumping from IOS to Android (we can have that conversation separately). 

As part of re-installing the apps in my digital life, I had to set up the HSBC Singapore app once more. It’s my primary credit card (long story from when I got my first home loan from the bank and I just carried on thereafter) and sometimes a transaction required me to log on to the app for approval. Also I couldn’t install the card onto the Google Wallet for PayWave functionality without a final verification which had to come via the app. Hence the necessity of getting this installation done. Abject necessity as you will find out. 

I proceeded to delete the app on my Apple device and turned it on on my new phone, and there was a prompt explaining that I had an existing set up on my Apple device, which I would need to remove security settings for. So I tried to finding these settings to erase them. I could not. Well and hmmm.

I waited a day and this time, the app on my new phone let go through to step two of verification. Yay, getting somewhere I felt. The app needed a pic of my IC or passport. That sounded easy enough and I followed the instructions, allowed the app to access the camera and fit the plastic card image within the frame, and hit the Looks Good button to submit. I was then asked for a selfie. Hmmm, why did the bank need to know what I looked like? I definitely didn’t look like my IC photo from 2003 anymore. Anyway, I did as requested. There was a SMS code sent over and I dutifully complied with its use. “Thanks, we’ll check and let you know” is the summary of what happened next. I received an email stating I had made an application to access the app. Ok, things were moving.

About 15 minutes later, an email titled “HSBC Singapore app set up failed” entered my inbox. What the what. The email stated that my verification had failed. What the what. And it advised me to try again.

So I did. THREE MORE TIMES. I have never been this rejected in a such quick succession ever, I think. Oh wait, copywriting challenges back in TBWA come to mind. 

I called the bank. I know that most banks are refusing to let anyone speak to anyone human these days. HSBC Singapore has taken that to a new level. The voice on the phone (I think they the got the MRT announcements lady to do these messages) told me that I could now reach someone from 9am to 9pm Mondays to Fridays only, notwithstanding emergency situations. It was about 1pm on a Wednesday when I made this call, on my way home, hovering by a busy road. I continued with the IVR process and ended up hitting “0” to speak to a customer representative. The line cut off! What the what. Did the system check my total customer value with HSBC and proceeded to decide I wasn’t worth it? 

I tried again, and hit “0” again. And again, yes, the bank machine hung up on me. I needed mental restraint not to throw my phone away or jump on to a passing car. 

I took a deep breath and went through the tedious log on phone process once more. This time I clicked “3” for mobile banking. After a few minutes of indecipherable adspeak, a lady came on, hallelujah. I explained my situation to the bank therapist. Her suggestion was to wait a day and use my passport this time. I replied I could do that but could not resist making a suggestion, that the bank redesign the process to use Singpass instead of this cumbersome photo ID verification mumbo jumbo some overzealous IT Head came up with. It was after all the HSBC SINGAPORE app. She said she would let the right people know, ahem. She then proceeded to tell me I had qualified for another credit card before deciding to leave me alone. The gall to sell me a product in my state of despair, anguish and frustration! (Also I think the bank doesn’t know I have been work shy for the past year, shhhhhh!) “She’s just doing what she’s been told to do” I reminded myself. May the patron saint of customer service reps bless these individuals with the patience and tolerance of retired police dogs. 

I waited the prescribed day to make the next attempt. And yes, email number 4 consolidated my cliffhanger status with another rejection. Doomed, as the kids these days are fond of labelling their minor woe status. 

I called 1800HSBCNOW about an hour ago. (Yes I hit “3”). I quickly told the new lady on the phone what had transpired. She apologised more than once, suggested it could have been a systems error, and would escalate the matter. The bank would send me an email in 3 to 5 days. She then told me I could get a line of credit with the bank before politely hanging up. Alrighty then. LOL. 

In the mean time, as a firm supporter of the Singapore public transport system, I have had to add the only other credit card I have had to my Google Wallet (a simpler process which required a mere SMS code from this other bank) to use on buses and trains. As with most processes we get used to, I am now quite more inclined to move all my transactions, including auto-billed ones like electricity and insurance, to this new favourite card of mine. Let’s wait for the HSBC email assessing my worthiness to come through. 

Thank you for listening.

I Visited A CPF Office Part 3

 Yes there’s a part 3. Rather short this one. 

1. Death - If someone passes away before the age of 55, it’s quite clear that all CPF monies go to the nominees. What happens someone passes away when the RA is created and invested (age 55-64) or when payouts start (age 65 and older)?

Context - Often one’s CPF becomes a sum of money one leaves behind as legacy.

Response - If someone passes away between age 55 and 64, all money put into the RA (when it was set up at age 55) goes to the nominees. This amount does not include any interest earned from CPF Life investment. Any balances in the in the OA and MA also goes to the nominees. 

Once monthly payouts start (age 65 onwards), they are deemed to be drawn down from the principal (initial) amount when the RA was formed. 

If someone passes away after monthly payouts start, any RA balance is based on what if left of the principal amount after the payouts have been subtracted. 

When payouts deplete the principal amount, there is nothing left in the RA for anyone to inherit. (Though there may still be money in the OA and MA.)

Additional info - CPF nominations made before marriage are revoked and must be redone thereafter in consideration of new circumstances. Also if you make your nominations at a CPF office, the staff there can be witnesses. No need to bother your BFFs.

2. Top ups after 65 - Can someone top-up a million dollars into their RA?

Context - Is CPF Life a good way invest my money?

Response  - No, you can't add a million dollars. There is a maximum based on the ERS limit. This also means there is a maximum monthly payout one can receive. 

Any top-ups done after age 65 have a small impact to the monthly payout sums. For example, a $2000 top-up annually would provide for a $10 increase later (because the main investment period from age 55 to 64 has passed).

-----

So there's more I've found out from a PDF I was suggested to download from Havend. The PDF is 249 pages long so there's someone out there who's done way more research than I have. 

One stand out from flipping through the document was learning that
- kids have CPF accounts set up when they are born.
- parents can top up their kids' accounts immediately, up to $8000 a year. 

Parents who do make the annual top-ups stand to gift their kids', after all the accumulated interest and consolidation, about $500k when the munchkins turn 21! Talk about getting a headstart in life.