Super Chicken

"Oh my God" It was a stifled reaction when i bit into the breast. Tender, juicy, golden brown and perfect. Last Saturday, I was invited to partake on God's gift to chicken-obsessed man - Arnold's. I had to travel far and wide (Woodlands to Paya Lebar) and traverse hurdles (namely large roads and MRT construction) to arrive at the mall of malls. City Plaza is a throw back to the 70s, an icon of economic progress just outside the hubbub of the city and Geylang. Although you may wonder if you need a passport to walk into the hallowed halls of City Plaza, you will understand the reason why you are there when you make your way to level 2, drawn by the magnificent aroma of freshly fried chicken.

Seriously, the chicken is amazing. And I was fortunate enough to be introduced to this delight by Zul, who invited me and fellow friends to enjoy this meal of meals. Kim, Furqan and Edwin were there when I arrived late, already having consumed half of the 15 pieces they had ordered. I had 3 pieces, with whipped potato and coleslaw and washed it down with lemon tea.

Folks, you have to try this chicken if you haven't already done so. Soon, Arnold's will be an institution. The queue outside is evidence, of greatness and immortality. Go, now.

Fart Social Science

I was in the office pantry this morning to get a drink of water when I let one go. A gaseous emission from my anus. A fart to keep it simple and layman. Considering I was alone in a large 5m by 3m by 3m space, I figured that it was green light to rip. Yes, I did have the option to keep it in and fester and trouble my colon. Yes, I did think about as would you have in most "should I or should I not" voluntary bodily function decision-making situations. Yes, I let it rip.

It evacuated my body with slight sound. Satisfied yet indifferent, I proceeded to get a glass of water from the dispenser (a one-third two-third mix of hot and cold). Then a colleague, Simon, walked into the room.

Alarm bells! So at this point, the farter has another decision to make. General post-emission contingencies dictate pretence and a laissez-faire approach to the introduction of native species to the field of emission. This means keeping quiet and hoping for the best. No fingers pointing and no fingers pointed. However, this plan does not work in a bi-occupied space. Come on, it could just you or me, he or she, she and it. In my case, it's worse - simple deductive reasoning and adequate nasal sensitivity on the part of my colleague, the fartee, will put me to blame. The only person in the room must be the criminal.

What I did was admit.
"Hey, i just farted."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, you should smell it soon."
Sniffs. "No."
"Oh, you should. I smell it already. Whoa."
"Nope."
"You will lah. Fart travels at 20 metres a second."
"Oh really? I didn't know that,"
"Yeah some scientists figured that out."

The last few lines transpired as we both left the pantry.

Here's your takeaway. Even in the afore-described situation, do not give in to blame so quickly. Ask if the intruding party smells something foul (or fowl if you had chicken the night before, haha). If he/she says yes, admit to the crime. You do the crime, be prepared to do the time. If he/she says no (as a result of inadequate nasal sensitivity), then you simply say ok and leave quickly, depart scot-free into cleaner, odourless air. Voila.

I might discuss the science of fart in a later blog entry. I feel it coming on.

Have You Seen This Man?

Helping a needy friend.

Eat Your Family Day

This Friday is "Eat With Your Family" day. So the company is letting us off an hour earlier to go home and consume dinner with our loved ones. We got the announcement for the event via email a little while ago.

In the spirit of good humour, I have sent an email entitled "Eat Your Family Day", inspired by Ravi who happened to get rid of the preposition 'with' in a small conversation on MSN a little after the email appeared in our Inboxes.

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Since fifteen minutes ago, the Ministry of Family Relations and Societal Concerns has decided to implement “Eat Your Family Day”. This event is aimed at relieving the stress of family life by removing members while fulfilling one’s dietary requirements. The ministry aims to improve the psychological well-being of the working class by assisting them in directly removing physical liabilities and burdens.

We recommend eating up younger siblings and fat folk first. The former irritate the hell out of most economic contributors by asking for money and bragging about their better skin and freer lifetstyles. Fat persons will generally consume more resources, from food to clothing and space in MRT trains. We suggest their consumption over a barbeque with large helpings of salad.

As we are all one big family, it is also advisable that we share. Please invite your colleagues to take a bite out of your family members. Remember, variety is the spice of life.

Thank you

Mr Ma Kan Liao
Perm Sec
Ministry of Family Relations and Societal Concerns

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So far i've got a "Hahahahaahahahah " and a "Mr Ma Kan Liao, you si beh bo liao!!" in response.