I had a colleague in a job years ago who’d come into the office in a slightly sweaty huff, thrown down his copy of the then free local daily he was handed at the MRT, and declare “God I hate people.” If asked why, he’d explain how the morning crowd would annoy him to the point of frustration and brink of insanity.
Well, I don’t hate people, sometimes. Other times I find them annoying. I’ll give a three examples of this variety of humankind.
1. Pavement Owners - Keeping left while walking on a pavement seems to be difficult for some these days. They seem to gravitate to the centre of path and want to stay there regardless of oncoming hordes. These pavement owners perhaps are used to getting their own way, and maybe at the focal centres of their families, friends or figments of imagination, and want to continue strutting their large egos down shared public paths. What’s worse, when they’re in groups sauntering to or after lunch. I have encountered these oblivious herds on my usual rush to yoga class in the city. Where do I jump to? Off pavement into the grass?! Keep left and keep the sane social order of movement, please.
2. Phone Zombies - I saw this episode of cartoon “My Gym Partner Is A Monkey” where all the wildlife was wholly mesmerized by a sole shiny diamond someone found. “Shiny, shiny, pretty, pretty” the animals would slowly chant as whoever had the diamond wielded it for attention and power. Turned out the diamond was glass and it shattered accidentally during PE. I surmise parallels to this fake diamond with how some pedestrians cannot stop staring at their phones. We’ve all met these phone zombies — powerless to look beyond their 6 inch screens but able to use a finger to maintain swiping, as they manoeuvre through, around and into traffic, greenery, pets and whole populations with nothing but peripheral vision. Everyone else has to avoid them. I sometimes end up face to face with these ghosts. Abruptly denied their source of instant entertainment by a large foreign body (me) in from them, they shudder, mutter some apology, and do a dance to figure out where to proceed. Some may frown or manage a tsk noise before sidestepping my obstacle self. The whole interaction may take 2 annoying seconds. It’s a talent I must say, to assign navigational control to side eye. Also a testament to Darwin’s natural selection theory. Sooner or later, I expect phone zombies to tempt death or at least serious injury via open manhole, car collision or otter attack. All to satisfy the craving for continuous entertainment. I wonder if anyone who’s been injured because they’ve been focused on their phones while moving has sued Meta, TikTok or Netflix for being too engaging. Get off your devices for heaven’s sake.
I wish they’d look up to see if who needs a seat or if they could scoot in more when we’re in the trains.
3. Anxious Bus Stoppers - why have bus passengers become kan jiong? I know there’s an advice plastered somewhere on buses to not press the magic button too late but seriously it’s become ludicrous when passengers are singsonging while the bus is just about the leave the preceding bus stop. Why is everyone this anxious to get off? Do we not have faith in bus captains to obey this instruction? Surely this must annoy bus captains to bits.
Oh wait, is this a game being played out? Who gets to press the button wins. My sister and I used to be this childish when we were heading him from primary school via public bus. Have we infected everyone across all age groups? Take a deep breath people and let me press the bell.
There are more annoying commuters out there. Also there are people who have a need to reserve yoga mats at class.And much to write about all of them another time.
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