It's Not Me It's You HSBC Singapore

I bought a new phone, jumping from IOS to Android (we can have that conversation separately). 

As part of re-installing the apps in my digital life, I had to set up the HSBC Singapore app once more. It’s my primary credit card (long story from when I got my first home loan from the bank and I just carried on thereafter) and sometimes a transaction required me to log on to the app for approval. Also I couldn’t install the card onto the Google Wallet for PayWave functionality without a final verification which had to come via the app. Hence the necessity of getting this installation done. Abject necessity as you will find out. 

I proceeded to delete the app on my Apple device and turned it on on my new phone, and there was a prompt explaining that I had an existing set up on my Apple device, which I would need to remove security settings for. So I tried to finding these settings to erase them. I could not. Well and hmmm.

I waited a day and this time, the app on my new phone let go through to step two of verification. Yay, getting somewhere I felt. The app needed a pic of my IC or passport. That sounded easy enough and I followed the instructions, allowed the app to access the camera and fit the plastic card image within the frame, and hit the Looks Good button to submit. I was then asked for a selfie. Hmmm, why did the bank need to know what I looked like? I definitely didn’t look like my IC photo from 2003 anymore. Anyway, I did as requested. There was a SMS code sent over and I dutifully complied with its use. “Thanks, we’ll check and let you know” is the summary of what happened next. I received an email stating I had made an application to access the app. Ok, things were moving.

About 15 minutes later, an email titled “HSBC Singapore app set up failed” entered my inbox. What the what. The email stated that my verification had failed. What the what. And it advised me to try again.

So I did. THREE MORE TIMES. I have never been this rejected in a such quick succession ever, I think. Oh wait, copywriting challenges back in TBWA come to mind. 

I called the bank. I know that most banks are refusing to let anyone speak to anyone human these days. HSBC Singapore has taken that to a new level. The voice on the phone (I think they the got the MRT announcements lady to do these messages) told me that I could now reach someone from 9am to 9pm Mondays to Fridays only, notwithstanding emergency situations. It was about 1pm on a Wednesday when I made this call, on my way home, hovering by a busy road. I continued with the IVR process and ended up hitting “0” to speak to a customer representative. The line cut off! What the what. Did the system check my total customer value with HSBC and proceeded to decide I wasn’t worth it? 

I tried again, and hit “0” again. And again, yes, the bank machine hung up on me. I needed mental restraint not to throw my phone away or jump on to a passing car. 

I took a deep breath and went through the tedious log on phone process once more. This time I clicked “3” for mobile banking. After a few minutes of indecipherable adspeak, a lady came on, hallelujah. I explained my situation to the bank therapist. Her suggestion was to wait a day and use my passport this time. I replied I could do that but could not resist making a suggestion, that the bank redesign the process to use Singpass instead of this cumbersome photo ID verification mumbo jumbo some overzealous IT Head came up with. It was after all the HSBC SINGAPORE app. She said she would let the right people know, ahem. She then proceeded to tell me I had qualified for another credit card before deciding to leave me alone. The gall to sell me a product in my state of despair, anguish and frustration! (Also I think the bank doesn’t know I have been work shy for the past year, shhhhhh!) “She’s just doing what she’s been told to do” I reminded myself. May the patron saint of customer service reps bless these individuals with the patience and tolerance of retired police dogs. 

I waited the prescribed day to make the next attempt. And yes, email number 4 consolidated my cliffhanger status with another rejection. Doomed, as the kids these days are fond of labelling their minor woe status. 

I called 1800HSBCNOW about an hour ago. (Yes I hit “3”). I quickly told the new lady on the phone what had transpired. She apologised more than once, suggested it could have been a systems error, and would escalate the matter. The bank would send me an email in 3 to 5 days. She then told me I could get a line of credit with the bank before politely hanging up. Alrighty then. LOL. 

In the mean time, as a firm supporter of the Singapore public transport system, I have had to add the only other credit card I have had to my Google Wallet (a simpler process which required a mere SMS code from this other bank) to use on buses and trains. As with most processes we get used to, I am now quite more inclined to move all my transactions, including auto-billed ones like electricity and insurance, to this new favourite card of mine. Let’s wait for the HSBC email assessing my worthiness to come through. 

Thank you for listening.