So in the last hour, I've had breakfast, brushed the teeth, re-ironed the trousers, sprayed the Hugo on, put all the necessary office attire on, inserted all the implements and tools of daily existence into the right pockets and went to get my shoes. Gave two seconds thought to the colour of the socks i'd be stinking up today (black with grey trim at the top), swung the dining chair nearest the front door to face the escape route, and sat down. RRRRRIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!
Fell apart at the seams. The trousers, not sure how old they are, gave way to generous gap at the seam against my, get this, my right thigh. How odd. Usually it's an equally stressed spot like the bum that enjoys the pleasure of sudden aspiration after a loud tear in the pants. (BTW pants mean underwear to the English and trousers are the proper term for the clothing item I have an issue with morning). I quickly deduced my equally large thighs coupled (don't want to think my right is larger than my left) with my fat wallet led to the literal fashion disaster. Not fat with money but mostly receipts which means I spent money not saved it.
The gaping hole beautifully avoided the pocket seams and progressed nicely down a 8-10cm path from the mid of the pocket downwards, exposing the tucked shirt and boxers and a bit of furry thigh. Sigh. Wrong place for a tear, worse timing for a fashion disfunction. It's not a malfunction like what Janet Jackson had. Her bra got unhooked sort of as Justin was canoodling her on stage exposing her ta-dahs. My pants trauma is a tear. Her problem could've been quickly rectified I guess. Masking tape couldn't save my trousers.
Yes I realise it's strange comparing my calamity to the one a megasuperstar had on stage in front to TV-watching millions. But a problem nonetheless. I had to quickly find and iron another pair (thank goodness the washing dried up nicely) and restart the exit for the day.
Not bad, quite a few fair words about a hole. Not a thesis on black or worm or drinking ones but an actual hole in the pants.
The other realisation that occurred to me while typing away was that all my recent posts are all me, me , me. Terrible egoist in me rearing it's literary head. Horrid. I need to reposition my focus. Well the sky was nice today. Orange dips against low clouds in a baby blue sky.
No comments:
Post a Comment