An Insult To Your Intelligence By Beer

See this ad? It's new from Carlsberg if you haven't figured it out. Splashed across the Staits Times and TODAY, the full pages simply make we wanna scream. I know it seems juvenile but this insult to our collective intelligence cannot go unheard. The friggin spaceman clearly has a suit on, he's on the moon and he's holding a bottle of Carlsberg. Seriously? I am upset because we all know, yes, we all know that picture can be taken but there's no bloody way he's gonna be able to sip his beer without the little problem of erm...dying! What is this, a bloody cartoon? The very audacity of whichever ad firm that proposed this bullshit and whichever Carlsberg marketing dodo approved the thing is plain sickening. Do they think we're seeing Sputnik for the first time or we're befuddled by what's beyond atmospheric range? We have watched movies you know. We have gone to school you know. Look up "effects of near zero gravity and almost no atmospheric pressure" you twits. While you're at it, try to figure what cosmic radiation would do if the thirsty traveller lifted his visor, dumbasses.

Don't throw that creative licence shit at me. This isn't creative, it's a bad idea given an art director's two cent waste of time.

Aargh, unforgivable! Not even clever. Shameless in fact.

Astronauts are usually scientists for goodness sake. In a one creative fell swoop, they have been denegrated to beer addicts lazing on the lunar surface unable to forsee their demise for the sake of an alcoholic drink. If the bugger was thirsty, he would sip from this drink pipe in his space suit. That technology exists.

Perhaps you may agree that my reaction to this advert is precisely what they asked for, a reaction. But I don't try to drink Carlsberg you see. It isn't going to win me over knowing there's a stupid astronaut on the moon holding an empty bottle (which suprisingly hasn't shattered). Nothing grabs me except the sheer crap of it all. And the $ spent on media makes me laugh. Fail, big time. I am most upset. I shall write a letter.

I MIss Old Marche

A bunch of us were at Marche 313 Monday night. Generally we there for the company, ex-colleagues and some still colleagues who meet to talk, laugh and tell stories. although it might sound like the sustenance was secondary, what hit home to me was that this was not the Marche of old.

Firstly, the food was funny. Not quite in the laughing gas way although i have semi- sworn off the sausages ever since a bout of food poisoning over Christmas some years ago. The menu this time was not as varied as before and nothing really seemed to appeal. I was walking around for 15 minutes before deciding on what I thought was a safe bet - ham crepes. It came out tough and worse of all, boring, even rather tasteless. There was no more Marche thrill at the core of their offering - supposedly good food. That was it I suppose, bland food. Almost all the food that we brought to the table for sharing was quite bland. Where was the salt? Where were the spices and herbs, potted plants of which they sold at the entrance of the underground gastro lair? Couldn't the cooks have plucked out some basil and rosemary to accent the food?

And the chefs. Goodness. It was dinner and they must have been tired but some of them let it show. Not quite the same peppy Marche staff we all use to know and love. The pizza guy looked bushed and pasta guy seemed deaf. I asked for the prawn and chili pizza and guy told me the prawns ran out. A friend brought a pan of paella with large prawns to the table, and I was wondering if the pizza couldn't walk over and borrow a few to make me a pizza. Initiative people, initiative! In initial my foray around the restaurant, I passed the hot drinks section where I noticed that a beverage spiced with cardamom was sold. I commented to the guy behind the counter that the drink seemed “quite Indian” and he replied “yes, it tastes Indian”. I was like what? and moved away quickly. It was one strange night.

What's even worse, calamitous in fact - prices have gone up. Not as good value anymore our dungeon of festive fare is.

The Swiss pinot noir was good. Best thing of the night. Yeah card system was the same, though the cards became pocket-sized.

So Marche has run out of kick for me. Even a visit to MOS Burger piques my interest more. Sigh.

Fancy A 4-Litre Range Rover?

I met with some old friends some weeks back, mostly because one of them was going to back in town and someone thought of doing a gathering. Sounds common enough. Out of the 20-plus classmates, 5 of us showed up at a married-couple's house (how many of your JC friends got married to each other?). The turnout rate sounds bad but seriously, my JC class had many non-Singaporeans, mostly ASEAN scholars who are now out and about in the world, doing wonders for their wallet and the world economy. That aside, the bigger surprise for me was the house. It was nice. 3 stories, end of a short cul-de-sac (posh for dead-end), wood floors, and top this - a waterfall plus a pool that goes 2 metres deep. Awesome. I am sure anyone would be impressed at the stroke of good fortune and perhaps good planning to befall this married couple. What more, there was a 4-litre Range Rover and sleek Merc parked under the car shelter. How more well done can you get?

The folks haven't changed though. They're still the same couple - he a little brash and boisterous, she funny at times but always poilte. Nice to know that money doesn't always change people for the worse.

What did bother me though was more of a general perception of the good life Singaporeans want or worse, feel they deserve. Ask anyone on the street and most would list a posh home, cushy car and perhaps some other asset-related entity of great value. The question I want to ask is what have you done to deserve this? Most would then reply they studied hard, made it with some kind of degree and worked hard, paid their taxes and other dues and now were poised to reap all the benefits. Perhaps some were entrepreneurial and this kind of success was a reflection of their achievements. (I've heard that in some churches in Singapore, the leaders have told their flock to simply take what they want, to go get 'it' because as God's followers, they deserved all these riches.). I then want to ask, really, is this what we deserve?

The bigger question is what have we taken, and secondarily, what have we given back.

Maybe I've gone all Amish, Buddhist, environmental or something, but doesn't sustainability concern anyone anymore? I've told a few people that the Earth seriously doesn't need humans, and we've done more harm than good. What sometimes strikes them is that it is a hard truth. We use up resources and we can't give them back. We generate pollution that kills other forms of life. Our greed makes us want to acquire more things, things that have to made out of trees, oil, rocks plants and animals; and we use them, we sometimes need power, electricity or light. More things we don't realise we take because all it takes is a flick of a switch or the press of a button. Things we take for granted.

Just have a short think about this. If everything you use and need had to be manufactured, what was the journey it went through to get into your hands? Take a burger. What resources were needed to make it? And what power (and where did it come from?) was used to create your item of need? Go all the way back, along every thread of packaging, product and ingredient, right to the root, the elemental level. Does paying that $3.50 for a burger now still make sense? Yes, your very life form is a pain in the Earth's ass.

So $3.50 is enuff pay back?(This happens to also be a number from an episode of South Park many years ago. I dunno why I remember this) Perhaps money is the problem/answer and, as we've all been taught, perhaps even brainwashed, more of it is better to have. It sort of justifies our outright wants and demands. You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard "throw money at the problem" in my stint in advertising. We get away with it because we have money. "I make this money and I'll damn well spend the way I want before I die" yes? No sense in being humble I guess with a fat wallet? Eddie Murphy once said that he didn't know he was poor growing up because everyone around him was the same. He probably ended in the wrong neighbourhood one day and realised nah, we gotta get ourselves some money and get outta here! Upgrade! So now we're drinking $8 pulpless juice from $20 glasses now because the dough is rolling in. Pride and greed are the sly twin friends of consumerism.

Living in a city and having just gone into debt to purchase a 123sqm flat in the boondocks I can totally understand the need for lots of money to live this life. I wish I had the $ to throw at this 30-yr problem. But how much can our fancy existence justify our need to take away from others and the Earth? It is a problem of commerce isn't it? The human need for more spurs business, commerce and spins the gears and sprockets that make the world turn. People wake up to go to work for money. This is surely not something you and I can even fathom attempting to reconcile. There's almost no way to change our collective minds. Money runs our lives and it is the root of all evil (Debate topic I had decades ago). Nonetheless, we cannot go on living this way (and worse, imply to developing economies that this is way to live). We're all just hoping that we won't know the consequences in our lifetime. Fingers crossed.

So would I get that big house and big car if I could? The more I think about, the more I wouldn't. Seriously, a 4-litre gas guzzler? In Singapore? Yikes. And that's perhaps what I want to put across in the rant. Think before you buy something. I don't mean turn caveman and start to drink from streams but just spend a little time to assess if you really need something. Be grateful, and use less. Believe me, you don't need everything you think you do. Once you realise that, you'd be happier.

Nasty Chocolate Induced Bug

A colleague came around to, in her own words, "share the fat" of little chocolate pieces she bought or was given. She doesn't have much of a sweet tooth and was glad to dispense out the confections to anyone who responded to her call for snackage. She left me two tiny packets of Toblerone. I opened one up, took a picture of the three peaks of cocoa-based manufacture, and promptly popped it into my waiting mouth. Ah sweet. Hmmm, too sweet in fact.

I looked at the second lonely piece and decided to put it out of its misery. In it went and I was satisfied albeit a little guilty because it was Tuesday, yoga day, and sweets would not make it any easier to get through 90 minutes in a 40-degree high humidity environment bending and stretching. Well I would get through it.

But soon I realised the chocolate was having a different effect, a more ominous circumstance - the sore throat. My oesophagus was quickly giving into the 'heatiness' of the low quality chocolate and soon it was a raging nuclear reactor of pain. Yikes. I knew from experience I had to tackle this ailment quickly before it made a mess of my immune system. I drank lots of water but to no avail. It hurt and worse yet, I could feel that the germs and viruses had won the battle - a slight fever was coming on. I took a Panadol Flu tablet to fortify the defences. But I was slowly but surely succumbing to the infection. I put on a sweater. It felt as if the aircon had gone mad and winter was setting in (though my eyes could see sunlight. Oh dear, that was it. I knew I was a goner.

I did go for yoga and made it through. The instructor had not yanked the thermostat up for fear of scaring off the new students so class was manageable. But the night was bad. I took another panadol flu and sucked on couch drops. I drank water all night, I peed many a time too. No good. By morning, the fever was still sort of there but the throat felt better. I went to work and got a Strepsils Max pack of 6 blackcurranty drops of medical assistance. I was surprised how effective they were. The throat pain soothed out but the inevitable had happened - the flu went up to my nose and sinuses. Breathing is ok but the clog is crazy. I feel as if there's tissue stuffed under my upper cheeks.

It's the same today. At work and stubbornly not seeing a doctor. I probably need antibiotics but I want my system to fight this chocolate induced sickness. I have been taking Vit C on a more regular basis, buffered 8-hr time-release expensive Vit C.

In the meantime, my other frustrations include long-distance arrows at work to do stuff leftover from people leaving their jobs and of course, the repeated realization that the SG democracy isn't quite as fine and dandy as it is. SG elections are coming up and Twitter is all aflutter with comments, speculations and criticisms - so fun.