Retired From Retiring

I was in a taxi on the way home one night after too many hours in the office. The driver turned out to an exitable middle-aged man with an axe to grind with the universe. In general, this man felt that life had screwed him over. Over-the-hill and generally unhappy, he went on yammering about how hard it was to earn a buck in these days of ERP, higher fuel costs, cheaper cars, too many taxis, too few passengers, 'inattentive gahmen and other socio-economic conditions unique to Singapore. This conversation, rather a monologue as my participation was hampered by his vocal prowess, became ingrained in my memory for his following utterance:

'You think you can retire at 65?! You dream ah, you will work until you die! That is what my father told me, and that is what I told my son! This is Singapore way of life.'

Wow! And the more I think about it, the more i realise it could be true. Some bank announced that the average CPF outlay per day for the average retiree is $6.06 a day for somethiing like 25 years. How the f*** do you survive on $6 a day?!

The nail got hammered deeper into consciousness when my mother got the Happy Birthday letter from the CPF board. With the money tied up in the flat, she doesn't have much to bank on for the next few decades of her life. Then there's cost of medicine and healthcare to worry about. Are those alarm bells ringing?

So what is there to do to escape a dire, penniless ending?
- save money now. That's why we have insurance plans that promise us some cash later.
- have kids. Be nice to them and hopefully they'll take you in when ypu're senile and incontinent. Try 3 for the best odds.
- buy 4D when the stars are aligned. Pay attention to cosmic signs and paranormal symbols.
- go do a business. Your job won't last forever and like everyone says 'you ain't indespensible baby' and no one seems to be able to fire the boss. So become one.
- invest smart. Long term gain outweighs the short term influx. Easy to preach, hard to teach.
- move to somewhere cheaper. A smaller flat or a bigger country. I think lots of Singaporeans intend to run off to Thailand when the grey hairs start winning the battle. Sunsets in sonngkhla, cheap, cheap.
- Wendy, my VGF, has put forth another plan. Morbid as it may sound, the solution is death. She wants me to spike her coffee with sleeping pills when she turns 65 or something. Right now, it’s funny. But when you’re 65 with limited savings, a weak constitution, bad knees and anger management issues, taking the quick road to the big Mac in the sky may not seem like a bad idea. Sad but sadly true.

I have reflected my sentiments to a few friends (including Wendy) and one insurance agent. I'll let you know what happened in a few decades.